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  • WRITTEN BY Jorge Rojas POSTED ON May 3,2013

Are you up for a Star Wars movie marathon? May 4th is the perfect day to watch all 6 movies seeing as it is Star Wars Day (May the fourth be with you). IT professionals all over the galaxy have a fondness in their hearts for Star Wars, primarily because of all the cool technology involved; and the coolest tech by far is the Death Star!Star Wars is one of the most recognized science fiction stories. In fact, Star Wars is so popular that last January the United States government was obligated to address the possibility of building its own Death Star thanks a White House petition that garnered 34,435 signatures in 30 days.

The response from the White House was what you would expect, “The Administration does not support blowing up planets.” It was like a million fanboy voices crying out in unison were suddenly silenced. This is a pity since Tektonic was ready to submit our bid to the new Death Star in order to provide IT support.

The Death Star project was going to be our dream job. Who would not want to work on an intergalactic moon-sized space station that can obliterate an entire plant with one laser blast? For one, the American taxpayers, seeing as the Death Star comes with a hefty $850 quadrillion price tag–that’s about 425 quadrillion Galactic Standard Credits for those of you investing in the Imperial 401k plan.

Plus, there is the small matter of vulnerabilities. If we want to see the Death Star project become a reality, then the current design needs to be improved upon. Paul Shawcross, chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House’s Office of Management and Budget, is familiar with this design flaw and said, “Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that could be exploited by a one-man starship?”

If only the Empire would have consulted Tektonic when designing the Death Star’s technology infrastructure. We would have spotted the same vulnerability spotted by the Rebel Alliance and then integrated a solution that would have put an end the rebellion once and for all. Perhaps Mr. Shawcross will reconsider the project if he sees our improvements?

One reason that we are confident we can design a technology system for the Death Star that is strong enough to repel Rebel scum is because we design IT infrastructures every day to defend businesses from hacker scum. While your operations may be smaller than the Death Star, we can go over your network infrastructure and find vulnerabilities that can be as devastating as an unattended exhaust port.

Tektonic’s IT services are designed to be affordable and keep your department within budget. In fact, we are confident that if we were selected to handle the IT on the Death Star, then we could come up with a solutions package that would fall well under the $850,000,000,000,000,000 price tag. To have Tektonic visit your business in our land speeder and hook up an error-detecting droid to your network in order to discover vulnerabilities, transmit us a hologram or call us at (416) 256-9928. May the 4th be with you!

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